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Choose Light
From my childhood I have been very comforted by thoughts of God. I memorized early that "god is the Supreme Being, infinitely perfect, who made all things, and keeps them in existence." By the time I was in my 20's I considered myself to be a spiritual seeker, and I was very interested in religion. Any religion. I saw myself as a good person, and since I thought about God a lot, I had great confidence that I would be secure in whatever 'eternity' was to come. My main spiritual prop was my belief that all I had to say was "Jesus is Lord" and I would be ushered into Heaven. But with all the new "freedom" that came with the 60's, many traditional social standards were thrown to the wind, and my lifestyle proved that Jesus certainly was NOT the Lord of my life. I was doing whatever seemed right at the time. In the early spring of 1975 I was living a "hippie" lifestyle in N.C. near Chapel Hill, in an old farm house with chickens and milk goats in the yard. I also had a precious young daughter from a failed marriage, who was a very stabilizing factor in my life. On this particular day, while I was kneading bread in the kitchen, I heard someone on the radio laughing and saying "do you really believe that the Bible talks about a burning hell? Ha, ha! Why don't you READ the Bible and see what it REALLY says! Now this was a challenge! I assumed that the Bible talked about a BURNING HELL, but I had never looked it up to know for sure. In those days I considered many types of spiritual beliefs, and as far as I knew, each point of view was as valid as the next. I was willing to experience whatever came along concerning religions, from Billy Graham crusades to Yoga meditation and everything in between. But all the while I had those magic words, "Jesus is Lord," as my security for whatever judgment might come. But, hey, if there wasn't any mention of a burning hell in the Bible, why should I worry? I found a Bible and began searching to find out what it said about "hell." I read only the red words because I knew that these were the words that Jesus spoke. I quickly discovered that Jesus talked a lot about hell, "... where their worm dieth not, and the fire is not quenched."! (Mark 9:44, 46, 48) But as I continued reading the Bible, a new question began to haunt me. In Matthew 7:21 Jesus said, "Not everyone that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven." By this time my main spiritual prop was being knocked out from under me. I began to realize that being basically a good person, and saying "Jesus is Lord", wouldn't get me to heaven! But it was when I honestly began asking "what is the will of God" that the Lord really began opening His Word to me. God began to lead in my new search to find His will. When I read John 3:3 I knew I was beginning to hear what "God's will" was, but what did this mean? (v. 3) "Jesus answered and said unto him, "Verily, verily I say unto thee, except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God." I stopped and asked myself, if this is God's will, how can I be born again when I'm 26 years old? I was astounded when I read the next verse and Nicodemus asked MY question. It was as if I had stepped into the story. (v. 4) "Nicodemus saith unto him, how can a man be born when he is old? Can he enter the second time into his mother's womb, and be born?" Until now I had been following the "god of my imagination," determining for myself what God would or wouldn't do. But today I had been caught off guard. I was hearing the words of the True and Living God, and this time I wasn't making up my own interpretation as I went along. I was honestly willing to consider what God was saying. I really wanted to know! Now I read "That which is born of the flesh is flesh, and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit." (v. 6) So this was a spiritual birth! I was so aware of being in the presence of a HOLY GOD that I was afraid to look away from the Bible on my lap. As I read, "... this is the condemnation, that light is come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil..." (v. 19), I found myself in a real spiritual battle, which I knew was between life-and-death. I saw very clearly that the next step had to be mine. Everything in me was clinging to "darkness"; a life designed by me, without light, or truth, or hope. But at the same time God was saying "TRUST ME! I am the Light of the World. Choose LIGHT. Give your life to Me." For years I had said "Jesus is Lord," but I really "loved darkness rather than light," because I was still living by my own shifting, self-centered standards the whole time. As I sat on the floor with my Bible, I suddenly became aware that it was growing dark outside. (It was just before Easter, and the days were getting longer). The verse kept repeating over and over in my mind, "and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil." The darker it grew outside, the tighter I held onto my old dark life, and the more lost I felt. This is MY life, where I was in control. But then I sensed the voice of God growing fainter and fainter as I fought against making a decision to TRUST CHRIST with my whole heart. I knew in an instant that if I let this moment pass, and refused to choose LIGHT, that I may never get the opportunity again. That I could be left in darkness for all eternity. So I looked up. I called out with all my heart, "I believe! I choose LIGHT! I choose you Jesus, to be the Lord of my life! Don't leave me in this darkness! Live or die, I surrender to you." After I prayed, I had an overpowering sense of peace flood through my soul. The darkness fled away. I had gone from believing by sight...to FAITH! I was saved! My decision to put my life totally in His hands was just the beginning of "doing the will of God." I knew He would lead me for the rest of my life. More than 30 years have gone by, though it seems like I made this decision just yesterday, and the Lord continues to astound me with His goodness and grace. He's given me a wonderful husband, children, grandchildren, and the awesome privilege of working with my family in a ministry to hurting and needy people in our community. But the most wonderful thing of all is that my spiritual searching is over. I know that I love and am loved by the ONE TRUE GOD, not because of anything I have done, but because God reached out to me through His word. Jesus said, "I am the light of the world: he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life." (John 8:12) Praise God! Are you tired of living in spiritual darkness and confusion? If you're willing to trust the True and Living God, Jesus Christ, as the Light of your life, pray with me. "Dear Lord, I realize I'm a sinner lost in darkness. Please forgive my sins and come into my life. From this day forward, I will seek you in your Word, the Holy Bible. Thank you for giving your life to save my soul! Amen." My prayer for you is that you will be reconciled to God, who created you and loves you, as you seek Him with all your heart. God Bless You! |
